‘I am 3’

Happy birthday, auto enrolment, you little nudge experiment, you!

We’re not having a party this year, but you’ve had cross-party consensus every year, and that’s ample. They all talk about you as if you were one of their own.

So far so good. You’re walking and talking, and opt out rates have been less than 10%. I’m so pleased that you’ve managed to get over 5m people saving. Everyone talks about how much you’ve achieved for your age.

I really hope you enjoy starting nursery. It’ll be so exciting for you. I suspect you’ll meet 1.8 million new friends in no time.

Just be careful and don’t be bothered by what people say. Some will tell you that you’ll never succeed. Some may even suggest you were a mistake. Don’t listen to them. Your destiny is in your own hands and you can make it a success.

Remember, you can’t achieve everything overnight. It may take many years before you realise the fruits of your labour.

And I know some people say you’re too complex. Don’t mind them. It’s just how are you are and everyone will understand you in time. In fact, I think you’ll become a household name before you know it.

Just be tenacious. The next few years will be hard – what with the small employers coming on board, contribution phasing and the Living Wage to contend with – but you’ll get through.

We all think you’re very special and you’ll change people’s lives, even if they don’t realise it yet. They’ll thank you one day, as they pass you with their Lamborghinis and their guaranteed lifetime incomes.

Anyway, stick in. That’s my advice (but that’s under review).

I haven’t put any money in your card this year as I wasn’t sure how the tax would work.

Happy birthday.